Negotiations are an inevitable part of business and collaboration. How we perceive the importance of our needs will affect the outcome.


Selflessness is when other people’s needs are consistently prioritised above my own. A lot of people-pleasers will know this well. It is disempowering and leads to resentment.


The healthy balance is where I am the same/similar size as everyone else. This is when fair negotiations is truly possible. A position where everyone's needs stand the best chance to be heard and considered. And indeed a position where I can focus on trying to give everyone more of what they want.


When my needs always come first is what most people will think of as selfishness. The destructive, bad kind of selfishness. This is where the whole world revolves around me and my needs only. The typical domain of infants and those with a personality disorder.

These three scenarios can be exist beyond negotiations in all our interpersonal relationships. Which scenario do you find yourself in? Which would you rather be in? How do you think you can make that change?