For some unfathomable reason, I am wide awake at 4am. And as we all know, there is simply no way we can will ourselves back to sleep, no matter how strong the desire, or compelling the reasons.
We do seem to invest a great deal of effort into controlling our lives. The ubiquitous Outlook calendar is a case in point.
We religiously block in meetings, appointments, thinking and nap times. And they change on us just as religiously! Sometimes I think it is more like trying to sketch a snapshot in time and less like planning the future.
When we stop and ponder control, we realise that there is precious little of it. Yet we persists with it, Sisyphus-style. It's uncertainty really that terrifying?
I need to practice flow more. To bend with the winds of change. What immediate opportunities am I missing when I am distracted by trying to control the controllable? I could bake bread (which I did!)
If you hate your job but can't leave. What are you trying to control? Is it really something you can control? What are you sacrificing in the process?
Sleep will come when it does, or not. Putting it in my calendar wont help!