Posts in category: Relationships

Pay attention to build connections

Pay attention to build connections

Thoughts after reading Is Facebook Making Us Lonely: If we were to describe Facebook to someone in the eighties, they would be forgiven for thinking that it’s mere existence will bring about a revolution in human connectedness, and forever banish loneliness in a...
Blinded by potential?

Blinded by potential?

Seeing the potential in a person or a situation is great. It is one of the strengths of being a problem solver, a designer, a fixer. But we mustn’t let that blind us to the reality: that potential we see so clearly may not ever be realised. And even it it were,...
Group size matters

Group size matters

In a certain group size (a small tour group, neighbours in a small apartment block, and the people sitting near us in a small classroom) we bond and become a familial group, looking out for each other. Beyond a certain groups size, however, we retreat within our own...
Evil Eights

Evil Eights

Life is too short to put up with toxic people. They sap our energy, drain our passion, and poison our projects. These sociopaths and narcissists create division and drive the good people away from our organisations. Dr Phil’s book Life Code – New rules for...
Client-centred consulting

Client-centred consulting

Client-centred consulting is very much like counselling. Unlike the traditional consultant-is-the-expert model, the client-centred approach acknowledges the client as the expert of their business, their unique circumstance, and their industry. The consultant brings...
Listening to transform crises and conflict

Listening to transform crises and conflict

I was once asked to meet with a “difficult” bank executive on behalf of a client. The rising frustration between the parties was holding up the project. The meeting started off as described by my colleagues. Anger, frustration, defensiveness; expressed as strong...
Selflessness vs selfishness in negotiations

Selflessness vs selfishness in negotiations

Negotiations are an inevitable part of business and collaboration. How we perceive the importance of our needs will affect the outcome. Selflessness is when other people’s needs are consistently prioritised above my own. A lot of people-pleasers will know this well....

Connections

We are surprisingly good at connecting with other humans, even complete strangers. Richard Renaldi’s Touching Strangers. We need to be in the right environment (such as a known, public, and safe street corner) and have the permission to connect. In this case the...
The Lucifer Effect

The Lucifer Effect

When evil happens, we tend to take an egocentric approach to analysis. We look for the bad apples. In his TED talk “The psychology of evil” Philip Zimbardo explains how otherwise good apples can turn bad, when placed in a bad barrel, created and sustained...
Perceptive relativity

Perceptive relativity

(Image: Wikimedia Commons) I was sitting at the lights recently watching a plane coming in to land overhead. There was clearly a steady crosswind as I could see the plane drifting an astonishingly long distance sideways. From inside the cabin, this sideways motion is...
Square peg round hole

Square peg round hole

Jeanny Wang on Somewhere.com shared this insight with me recently: Clement Mok wrote a piece back in 2003 asking whether the diversity and fragmented state of design is the root cause as to why the field will never establish itself as a respected and united...

Active listening: two ways

In meetings, briefings and lectures, we listen to learn facts. We focus on building an internal map of the incoming information. Feelings don’t come into this much. A policeman questioning witnesses would be more focused on the facts. Where, when, who, what and...

Enmeshment

Enmeshment happens in a relationship when the boundary between the self and the other is unclear or non-existent. TV soapies (all?) demonstrate enmeshment – when characters get into each other’s business every which way, harbour unreasonable/unhealthy expectations,...
Pineapple upside down loyalty programme

Pineapple upside down loyalty programme

The old way of selling: Entice buying with promises, claims or discounts. Sales material and people are shiny and glossy. Promises are grandiose and often just shy of too-good-to-be-true. There are loyalty programmes too: The more you buy, the more you are rewarded....
The foundation of authentic communications

The foundation of authentic communications

Source: Barbara, CC BY 2.0, via Flickr Authenticity cuts through spin Authentic communications is essential for business success today. It removes the facade of unimpeachable and fake perfection, and allows us to see each other as humans once more. Authenticity is the...

Understanding your audience

The three truths: Everyone wants to be heard. Everyone wants to be acknowledged. Everyone wants to feel valued. Listen Speak from your customers’ side of the table. It is about them. Feel their needs and pains. There is no other way to truly understand. Show you...

Starting conversations

Most businesses are great at talking at customers, but crap at listening. Conversations with your customers give you valuable information and builds intimacy. Your existing “talking at customers” channels can be adapted to start conversations. The web: Do you let...

Breaking down barriers by getting people together

Better collaboration, more understanding, more authentic communications, less conflict … all these can be had if we work to enable empathy and understanding within organisations. Seriously. Getting people together is the key I think. When we don’t know anyone from a...

“Looking for a real professional who charges a low price”

Have you ever been asked this? It may seem like an innocent question at first glance. But is it? Underlying this question is a lack of respect and trust. We all want to work with the best people. We all prefer to pay a good price. And we all know there is a limit to...

Realisation: I don’t have to fix it!

Making a difference does not mean I have to absolutely transform the world completely by next week. It sounds so weird to write this out and realise that in many ways I was subscribing to this belief. There needs to be a healthy boundary between acting responsibly and...
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