See hidden success

The people I work with know about my past growing up around violence and gangs. Every time I get annoyed at work, they would accuse me of having an anger management problem. My professional concerns are sometimes dismissed for this reason too.

I did have an anger management problem ages ago. I thought I had overcame that with years of counselling and hard work. But I am unsure now.

At work, I have to be constantly vigilant about showing any signs of annoyance or anger. It seems unfair that other people are free to be angry at me, but I am not allowed to respond in kind. With the current economic situation, I fear they will use this as a reason to fire me.

At home, I get some of the same treatment from my spouse as well. Whenever we have a big disagreement, they would hint at or even directly accuse me of having an anger problem.

I don’t know if I will ever be able to live the past down. I feel pressured to be someone else all the time.

Insights

Other can see aspects of ourselves that we cannot. But they may not be right!

Entrenched parts of our identity can continue to plague us even when they are no longer real.

Ongoing self-affirmation can be important to maintain accurate perspective and ongoing constructive behaviour.

Outcome

The client realised that they had not engaged in any negative anger-driven behaviours for more than 15 years. This was a transformational revelation for them.

They started to keep a success journal, giving themselves a gold star every time they felt annoyance but avoided destructive behaviours.


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